Tales From Impel Down
by Noone the Virgin
Summary: These are the individual tales from the staff of Impel Down. Some disgusting, some of them funny, some just downright stupid. Either way, there's not much to do down there.
1. Chapter 1

Magellan was angered by the amount of prisoners that escaped from Impel Down. He vowed to make sure that he'd bring back as many of them as possible. One plan of his was to make his poison even more potent, but he didn't know how. He tried to eat various foods laced with poisonous substances and the like. While they did work slightly, it ruined his stomach and digestive system completely. He knew it would be risky to take it even further but he decided to do it. However, his bad stomach was making a request. He fled to his personal toilet.

After a long battle with diarrhea, Magellan finished up. He noticed the pungent smell of his waste. Suddenly, a thought popped into his head. "What if I were to…No! That's going too far!" He disregarded the idea and flushed. However not too long after, he began to feel his stomach cramp again. He went into his toilet again. This time, looking at his waste, he took a small bag and collected it from the toilet. "Just this once." He thought. "If I mix it with other stuff, it won't taste too bad…right?" He sniffed the bag's contents; only showing even the Poison Man can be repulsed by his own concoction.

When lunchtime came, Magellan took the bag of poison shit and went into the kitchen. Upon grabbing a bowl he dumped the shit into it, mixing flour, sugar and other foods with it. He mixed the ingredients and formed a ball of purple-brownish goop. The shit was so powerful and pungent it rendered the other ingredients useless and tainted them, making the strong scent even stronger. It lingered into the kitchen, Magellan holding his nose in the process. "This is horrible." He said. "What do I do?" A voice was heard from outside. "It's no use. I'd better swallow this now." He did just that, chewing through the poison shit dough. Its sticky and manky texture stuck onto his sharp teeth, making his gums numb and painful. He began to feel sick just from chewing it. "This was a bad idea." He thought, chewing and holding his stomach. He finally ran out of the kitchen, knocking back the guard that was walking by. He went to his office and headed straight for the toilet and vomited inside of the bowl. The vomit being consisted of poisonous contents and agents only made the already horrid smell of the shit poison dough even worse. So horrible that Magellan fainted.

When he came to, he smelt the air around his office. It made him queasy, but he stayed conscious. Domino came in with a gas mask. "Magellan, it's time for-" She stopped, gagging. "Another battle with the toilet, I…" She fell, unconscious. Magellan thought for a moment. "If I were to…" He shook his head and flushed the toilet, but not before taking some of the poison shit dough vomit and putting it in a metal can. He smiled a little. "If it can knock her out with a gas mask, I may have found just what I've been looking for."


	2. Whiplash

In a secluded prison, there were the sounds of lashing and moaning. "Can't you do better next time?!" A voice yelled. It was none other than Sadi-Chan, who was whipping her Awakened Zoan cohorts. After one more minute of the ordeal, she stopped. "Now then, you'd better- mmmm, get it right the next time we do this." She said, wiping her forehead. She left. The awakened zoans were silent, as always but were showing some signs of being scared. All but the Zebra zoan, Minozebra looked the least rattled from the discipline Sadi-Chan laid on them. As the others licked their wounds, Minozebra had a plan hatched in his head.

When it came to give Sadi-Chan her lunch, he deliberately gave her the wrong type of soup. Frustrated by this, she proceeded to whip Minozebra, but only for five seconds. She sighed. "It can't be helped. You can leave." There was a look of glee and annoyance on his face as he thought of another way to get punishment. When he patrolled his usual sector, it heard Sadi-Chan coming near. He pretended to fall asleep. When Sadi-Chan saw this, she grew angry. "You just keep on making more and more- mmmm, mistakes, don't you?!" She told it. He opened his eye, ready for the lashings but she stood there, growing more and more angry. "You have one last- mmmm, chance to redeem yourself!" Minozebra puffed his face in anger. "Are you taunting me!?" Sadi-Chan asked, angry. Minozebra's eyes lit up. He stood up and sassed his master. "That's it, now you've- mmmm, done it!" From her hair, she pulled out a cat o' nine tails. Minozebra's face widened. "You should be scared, mmmm! I'll whip the laziness out of you, Minozebra!"

The prisoners and the other Awakened Zoans watched as Sadi-Chan beat Minozebra ruthlessly. The look on his face was one of bliss and tranquility rather than torment and pain. The other Demon Guards noticed. There were lash marks on his body, bleeding steadily. Minozebra pulled on his mane tightly as the pain continued endlessly. Sadi-Chan grew tired. "You…I'm going to have to use THAT on you." She said, panting. Minozebra was tired himself, panting. The pain was overwhelming, but he wanted more. The other Demon Guards came to him. Minorhinoceros was scared for him and himself, shaking. Minokoala put his hand on Minozebra's back. Seeing the blood on his palm, he wiped it on his pants and went for his bag of leaves. Two of the Blugori from Saldeath's fleet came and took Minozebra away to a private chamber.

They took him to a torture chamber that had a large machine with whips all over. "Since you loved to be whipped so much, I'll- mmmm, give you all you can take!" Sadi-Chan said, operating it. Minozebra's eyes widened, overjoyed by the contraption but worn out from the lashings. The machine started and began to whip him over and over. He silently took the pain. The whippings were faster and more consistent and there wasn't any time to recover from the shock. He began to lose consciousness slowly. Sadi-Chan flipped a switch. "Don't fall asleep just yet!" She said, licking the area in-between her middle finger and pointing finger. The whips became electrified, jolting him. This continued for ten minutes, switching on and off with the shocks, until Minozebra stopped moving altogether. "Mmmm, I didn't think I had to use this anymore." Sadi-Chan said. One of the Blugori checked for a sign of life on Minozebra. He was still alive. "Phoo. I was expecting to take that wonderful mane of his for a lavishing on my whip…" He was taken out of the chamber and dumped onto the Crimson Hell.


End file.
